I am sorry, but I must decline.
I realized, around mid November that I was running. Not exercise, but running nonstop from one appointment to the next. I was so overextended and under-appreciating my riches. What is the point of a pocket full of cash if you did not gently lay your daughter into her crib at night? What is the point of media success if you haven’t read Brown Bear to your son? None. There is no point.
Where do you place value? Do you place it in financial gain? Perhaps in physical goals, such as weight loss and maintaining youth? Do you attend EVERY event you are invited to? These are questions that I put to myself and it really bothered me when I answered them (silently to myself). The painful truth was that I am not living life correctly. Let me amend that. I am not living my life correctly for me.
So, I decided to stay home. Go to work, but other than that, just be there. Be with my husband, be with my children. Not place ANYthing over the small amount of time that I have to see the holidays through their beautiful eyes. Through eyes that have no worries and are so full of trust. Allow the beauty a child’s realization of new concepts, words, situations to be my celebrations. Drive slowly through our neighborhood looking at holiday lights while singing carols on a Wednesday night. Shopping for one ornament with the whole family and making it an adventure that takes 2 hours, in which time you forget what you are there for because you are all caught up playing with the balls in the toy section.
The world keeps moving. The circle gets smaller and more intimate. Life is cozy, it has thinned out. It is a more honest representation of our tribe. Trust is built in the hard times as well as the good.
This season has been a myriad of joy. Fun runs, turkey dinners, tree hunts, Santa breakfasts, tree trimming, watching daddy coach basketball games, present wrapping and Christmas book reading. How can we only be 7 days until Christmas?
I stop………. I think. I realize that we are now at 2 holidays in, only 16 left until they are no longer children. I now that seems like a lot. But it is not. It took us 5 years to conceive, and that was a blink of an eye.
So, I am sorry, but I must decline. I am not available, but for a very good reason.
Hey man, I am not a content whore.
If you are a blogger you know what that is – when someone has a recipe a day and you are all “holy cow, how do you do that?”. Nope, I am a lil busy these days. Also, I got a new hair color and this gives me all sorts of lenience’s. Just saying.
As far as cooking my life has been in such an upturn of mommy, career and wifey-ness that I don’t even have time to exercise. This is tough and my pants are tight. But, I carry on.
Professionally I am doing great. As a mom I am TRYING to do great. As a wife I am failing but aren’t we all? I wont even pretend that our romance is a flame that only the deepest sea could contain or dampen. We are tired. We are trying our best, and every day as a new parent feels like you have 2 left shoes on and are the new kid in town. It is so hard, and yet the best thing you have going. Jason, if you are reading this I PROMISE I won’t throw out the lingerie…..just give me a beat to feel sexy again….
We did make it to the coast though for a 36 hour twin free love fest. You may think this means we dove sexily into the bed for 36 hours and only came up for wine and to feed each other grapes, but you would be wrong. We slept. Deep long sleep. We walked…long long walk along the shore and talked. We ate. Okay, we may have scared the paint off the hotel walls a few times, but that is nunya biz
So, here we are, December. I am frantically buying gifts, wrapping up another year professionally and my kids are almost 1 1/2 years old. Time is flying, but I guess what the point of this post was, was to tell you that I am still here. I am just in a new phase of my life. A little busier and a little slower all at one time.
Yes! We are back and better than ever! We have all grown and become better bakers and cooks and we are ready to share our tips and recipes for the ULTIMATE OREGON THANKSGIVING! Naturally you will want recipes, and photos – so I have them here! Click the links to Enjoy the recipes we talk about on Sunday!! Meet Brandie, Fabi, Nancy, Bee, Rebekah, and Carrie! Your FABULOUS Portland Food Bloggers!!!!
Wine Pairing provided by Maria Stuart of R. Stuart and Co
The Spicy Bee Stuffing
If you have kids you begrudgingly purchase this for $5 a jar. …..Well – NO MORE.I am beyond amazed how delicious my first batch of apple sauce is. The best part? I have kids and 2 more huge bags of apples. This was so easy and it is so delicious and you can control the refined sugar! Read on for the recipe – book mark it, it is an easy one!
- 4 pounds
- 1/4 cup natural sugar
- 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
- 1 cup water
- Wash, peel, core and chop the apples and toss into the pot.
- Add water, sugar ( if apples are sweet, then use less sugar!) cinnamon and nutmeg.
- Place lid on cooker, cook for8 hours on low, part way through I used a potato masher to muck them up a bit.
- When done mash again with the masher, and serve! We ate all of ours in a week!
There was a quote somewhere that said “Motherhood is desperately wanting a moment alone, and the moment you get it you miss your kids.” Ahh…so true. 2 days a month my kids get what we call “Germ Day” and they attend a daycare. This has multiple functions. The housekeeper cleans the house top to bottom, the nanny has a day for her own sanity and the big one: my kids interact with other germs…..er… kids. It is true. We were told by our physician that they would be stronger if they caught the bugs early. Well, they have, and so have I. (norovirus twice, for the record).
On this morning I arrive to my downtown office later, I sit and write about food and my soul, as I am now, and I try to get a moment to myself. Coffee, country music, you name it…all my simple guilty pleasures, wrapped into 1 hour. When it gets colder you will find me in the bathtub for sunrise coffee. I choose writing for now.
Writing has been an interesting way to get through these past 4 years. For me the moment I started this blog and shared all of my dreams, concerns, and journeys, life got easier to handle. I made a very hard decision, early on, to share a lot. Needles jabbing me through two IVF rounds, the challenges of taking hormones to make your body do something it won’t do….it is all here, if you dig deep enough. Holidays, pregnancies, joyful moments, painful hangovers, beginnings and endings to friendships. What I wonder, is how does sharing the ups and downs of your life to people make it easier, and even more fun? I think I start to see my life through not only my eyes but someone else’s. I love that I have been straight with you and that I do not paint a picture of suburban perfection. My lawn needs to be mowed and there are a variety of 3-wheelers out, sadly soggy in the rain as I write this and the sun comes up. Of course I do not make a living off my blog ( you will note there are no ads on this blog) It is mine and no one tells me what to write about.
Back to the silence.
I sit here in my office ( I share a den style office with my husband) and my desk faces 3 windows that overlook the quiet cul de sac we live on. Right now the sun is still down as it is deep into autumn, but when it rises I will be greeted by the glorious bright red and yellows of autumn leaves turning before the fall. Silent moments, perhaps with Jack Johnson playing in the background. Life is good, life is busy, I am fortunate.
Do you take moments and think of your fortune, in whatever capacity you have it? Health, friends, work, family, humor, love? I hope that you do. None of us gets everything but if you at all times can lean on one of those, then you are rich. If you have one great friend, perhaps love your job, have the love of a strong heart, can walk a mile, have parents or siblings you are close with, have healthy children….any one of these is enough. Enough to get you through. Silence offers me the time to think of my riches. My fortune.
Another cup of coffee poured and I am starting to think of the day. The sky is slowly coming on a gray-blue. The sun is coming and it will be time for me to iron my dress and put make up on. Hair up or down? Boots or heels? Simple daily thoughts. Nothing that important.
And so I sit here, and wrap up these thoughts and start to think of applesauce and getting a recipe I promised to get up last Sunday on the air. I will do that next. Yes, that is what I will do.
I hope you get a moment of silence, and to reflect on your fortunes, and perhaps write it down somewhere, like a blog, so you can be reminded when you need it.