I think the things that people WANT to ask you when they realize you are in your 40s and have 2 year old twins are: Is it weird? Did you do IVF? How old will you be when they graduate?
What I want to say is: Yes, it is weird. Yes, I did IVF. I will be 58, approximately 10 years after YOUR husband leaves you for a 30 year old (enjoy your youth! It is fleeting!). #snarky
The weird part is that I do not have anything in common with my parent peers. I just overheard a woman who has kids similiar age to mine use the work “Like” over 20 times while telling a small story. “You know? Like, I totally said that! Then, like, I said so and so, then like they did this….” My husband overheard it as well. We are in agreeance that we VERY likely spoke the same way at that age. I can be many things, but I refuse to be a douchebag. It is just a point that we do not speak the same language and are at different places. No one is better or worse than anyone.
It is not their fault that we are older. We see life differently. We are engrossed in the small joyful moments, and not make up or cars or crazy trips with friends or even appearances. It is an age thing, 100%. No one is in the wrong, how we all are behaving is how we should behave. Acting our respective ages. Guess what? That sucks because it sets us apart. We do not want that.
This has pulled me away from a lot of people. I have a small, very selective group of friends who I truly tell my soulful thoughts to. Who I allow into what I am going through, what my family is going through. How we are actually doing. By the way, we are fine, but twins are not easy, they are very expensive, and 2 is a heck of an age. I couldn't be happier if I tried. Does that make sense? It doesn't need to, and that is something I know because I am 44.
So, yes, there is a difference having kids when you are older. You are more tired, but you have a lot more money. You have parent peers who are 15 years younger than you. You are not fun to them. That sucks, and is a blow to the ego, but on the other hand….what are we missing out on? All the stuff we already did? Travel? First marriages? (face it, facts are facts and the odds are not in many peoples favor…both Jason and I were married before as well) I am just saying that we are all snuggled into this age and life that we have built, and what our parent peers have to go through in the next 1.5 decades I am happy to not have to do again.
The good part is our careers are 20 years strong. We will be able to enjoy our kids as they get more involved in school, sports, etc. As you hit the pinnacle of your career, you have more power of writing your schedule. We have the best nanny, a great housecleaner and no debt. The only reason something doesn't get done is time. We do not have a lot of time and the time we have we prefer to spend hanging out as a family. The yard can wait. My kids have a childhood to enjoy.
However, it sucks have a slowing metabolism! It sucks being the oldest mom. It sucks being tired. It sucks not having anything to contribute to a conversation. I hate small talk. But I still want to belong, I think.
Not many know that I am a solid introvert. There are people who come across as strong personalities and leaders who actually prefer to be alone (learning this made me realize I am not crazy…..). I found over the last 5 years that I am introverted and have used an energetic persona to fight and hide it. I prefer to be home or with my family. I do not like crowds, or loud environments. On my 40th birthday it really hit home becasue just as my party started I was hoping it would end. I wanted for it to be over. I loved the people but I just wanted to have the house be quiet again. Birthdays are the worst – I try to not bring it up so that no one will make a fuss. However I LOVE other peoples birthdays!
So, yeah, there is a difference as an older parent, some of it is good…..but some of it sucks.
Simple Kitchen 4-19-15 Hour 1
Catch up with Missy about the Grilled Cheese Day and meeting Super Slice. James is still a terse texter, but Missy wants people to follow him on Twitter. Greg priest of Albertina Kerr sits in the Simple Kitchen and tells Missy all about the rich history of Albertina Kerr. Lisa and Meredith of Ruby Jewel Ice Cream are in with Missy and James to talk about ice cream sandwiches.
Simple Kitchen 4-19-15 Hour 2
The Ruby Jewel Ladies are still hanging out with Missy and talking ice cream joy. Missy’s old friend CHEF AJ Voytko of The Original Dinerant is in the Simple kitchen to talk Poutine for the People.
Hey, did you miss me this last Sunday on 860 KPAM? Well, maybe this is your chance to listen. Culinary Staycation and the amazing history of beer!
We started at The Midoint Food & Drink.
This restaurant is located midway between our home in Happy Valley and the city. Also, it is located between Foster and Powell on 52nd. I am assuming the latter is the reason for the name. (insert laugh) I read about this place online. It had several reviews and was in the category of “local, easy, comforting, and not pretentious in the glossy-magazine and fancy chef way” If, indeed, that is a category.
It is an older spot, and while the name sounds like a pub it is in fact a diner. We were seated immediately and the menu was easy, filled with great options, and ordering was not a test in culinary knowledge. I ordered “The Downtowner” and the better half ordered “The 2 Egg Scramble” which he added tomatoes to. He actually said “would it be weird to add tomatoes?”, to which Violet (who was darling and quick with the coffee to be refilled) made it clear that his idea was brilliant. Other half enjoyed that moment. (mental note to take cues from Violet). The coffee was hot and good, and the food, amazing. Here is what came out of my mouth: “These are the best hashbrowns I think I have ever had”. They were simple, buttery, and if you added the house made green sauce (lovingly made by violet with tomatillos, jalapenos and a host of other items) you could easily clean your plate.
During my meal, Violet treated everyone like family, talked about the butter cookies that were fresh made, and allowed me to bestow her with my new found full education on the history of ketchup.
So, East Siders….get your butts over there and fill that restaurant. Also – expect to meet the amazing sisters who run it soon on The Simple Kitchen.
Midpoint Food & Drink
- 3524 SE 52nd Avenue
- Portland, Oregon
- OPEN: 8am – 10pm
- PRICE: Reasonable
- STYLE American, Family Friendly
What’s for lunch?
It was the hubalubs birthday on Wednesday, so he really got to drive the meals. So, for lunch I asked, at the very least, that he select a place on Division as I was so behind on the new places over there. He did as I requested, and selected Atlas Pizza. He is a pizza fanatic and I follow Atlas on Instagram so this was perfect for me!! So, we find parking a block away, which is awesome. The thing about Division, if you have lived here a couple decades (ahem) like I have is that a lot of the new restaurants and volume of traffic is new. This area was and is still a residential area, now with a long strip of wine, beer, food and other noveltie. If you are traveling to our city and want to enjoy our culinary delights, the odds are stacked in the favor of you landing on SE Division one or two times.
Atlas Pizza was a perfect experience for us. We walked in and I was greeted by a friendly smile, immediate assistance and awesome music. I looked around and saw my 20’s on the walls: show posters everywhere for Satyricon. I loved Satyricon and used to go there, listen to music, dance and drink a lot of cheap beer. After the concerts, there was a souvlaki joint right outside that was always open and we would grab that and eat it on our trek (on foot) back to our apartment in NW Portland. This is “pre The Pearl days” Whoever hung those posters knows exactly what I am talking about.
We ordered a Large Pepperoni and Pineapple. I grabbed an IPA of the tap and we chilled. I enjoyed some serious Hall and Oates music and we both watched the Original version of Willy Wonka on the TV. We were surrounded by working pinball machines, bright cheery windows and I want to point out – this place is CLEAN. I am a clean freak and in that type of lighting I can tell you that it is clean. People came and went picking up slices for here or to go, it was a warm bustling, and overall just a FUN place to be. Especially with an early afternoon buzz. The pizza was HUGE, it was delicious and I managed to eat 2 pieces. The crust was thin (we like that) and the sauce was amazing. So – yes, go here. Eat the pizza. Get a large one and take the rest home – it was AWESOME later that evening after some beer tasting…..
- 35700 SE Division Street
- Portland, Oregon
- Open: 11:30am – 10:00pm
- Price: reasonable
- Food: Pizza, Family Friendly, GREAT service
What is next?
So we decide to keep rolling like food gangsters. Book a room at Edgefield and get an overnight sitter. I mean, it IS the big guy’s birthday, right? So….lets soak in the soaking tub and drink beer.
We love it out there at McMenamins Edgefield. It is the easiest way to get away for 24 hours, still be close to the kids, but let our hair down at a reasonable price. That is how we see Edgefield. We got a room, checked in, hit the soaking tub, then went beer tasting! We enjoyed a cheeseboard, and I was pleased by some SERIOUSLY sticky cheeses!!! Then later, had a simple light dinner and went to bed by 8:30 – we have a lot of calories to consume tomorrow!! Tune in tomorrow for the next installment!
Nothing is more humbling when you are running through your life, thinking “Wow, look at all of this I have to do in a day…how do I get it done?” Then in one swoop a close friend is diagnosed with cancer and your father in law is in and out of consciousness for weeks at the hospital with heart problems you cannot even wrap your MIND around. Then, out of nowhere, a colleague commits suicide.
You get promotions, you accept responsibilities, your kids grow, you do the best you can. I used to focus on being the best nonstop. Now I focus on being “the best ME that I can TODAY.” That means making sure people know you are thinking of them and that they are loved. Communicating with family, work. Always work (don’t worry about next weeks duties and half-ass today…KILL IT today, and then do the same tomorrow).
My boundaries are much more defined. For work, I work hard, I go hard, and I am available when not there, BUT, my time with my family is non negotiable. I am not cheating my employer, I am offering them a happy, well rounded and satisfied individual. I realized that, as a leader of mostly women, I need to show them what grace in power looks like. Humility, love, respect, hard work, embracing errors, and laughing at yourself. At all times growing. Never stop growing. THIS is what balance looks like, but it is a daily internal struggle. All moms feel like being away from their kids for work will harm their kids. It won’t. It just won’t. However you better stay on top of them and their progress and always be there for them. There is NOTHING that I do professionally that is more important than a sick child. Nothing.
How do I respond to all of this craziness? I am losing myself in my kids laughs. I am looking into theloving blue eyes of my husband more, and I am thinking. Thinking about how fleeting it all is. How this time we have is short, and that anything can happen. So, I guess I just do that. I hope. I just hope that it will all turn out for the best.
So slow down friends. Just do today really well.
Everything’s gonna be ok.
Yes, I am busy. I am embarrassed to even talk about the way my life has rolled into a wild ride of motherhood, marriage, career, radio, events and trying to find pockets of rest. The world as arrived at my doorstep and I am absolutely busy.
I wake up at 4am and do a “quick 1-2 hours of work” now. I am terrified of taking time from my kids. I am worried about not keeping up with my commitments to a career that I love and the employees who need me. I am nothing like who I thought I was. This is a good thing.
Do you think back about times in your life where your self worth was low? I do. I never went so far as to damage myself or my health (entirely) but I come from a somewhat lost generation. We never really learned how to love or give love in return. When we grew up, life and families had taken this intense pace. Latchkey kids, both parents working….climbing the ladder. It was the 80s and the 80s were a good time for career minded and educated people! Money was there to be had. Time to connect, not so much. I may have been one of the few kids who sat down to dinner several nights a week but I was on my own for breakfast and lunch since I was in 3rd grade.
So…you get through adolescence. You somehow find your way through your 20s. You fall in love in your 30s and start to make a life. By your 40s you are here. Busy, successful, and busy.
How do I fit 48 hours into 24 hours? I don't. I just don't. I set my own precedences as they arise and stay true to my foundation which is my home. I embrace mornings that I wake up at 4 ready to go, but I crash hard at 8:30 when the kids are down and the house is clean. I don't waste time on movies, and I make sure we gather at the table as much as possible. I laugh, I love. I stop and sit on the sofa and have time with my kids that has no hidden educational agenda. I hold them. I tell them they are awesome. I kiss their soft heads and laugh their toes and let them chew on my pearls. They are just pearls and I will have no need for them when I am gone. When THEY leave me though I will be left with my memories of them. Did I stop? Did I look at them? Did I tell them they have value? Did they see me smile at them with no hidden agenda? No concern?
What really matters? Keeping your love alive in your marriage so you can show your kids how to make it work. Kissing and hugging in front of them. Laughing together as a family. Making your life work for the family you are now. Are you showing and teaching your kids how to love? Showing them to gain strength through holding hands? Through talking and laughing? Complimenting each other and reminding each other of their worth and their value to the family.
So, I finally get a blog post up. It is not about food. There are no photos, but it is where I am in my mind. I am rich in love and successful in career. But really, the career stems from the love that fuels my heart that takes me through my days and helps me make ethical and smart decisions. It all starts here, at home.
I will not forget that.