Magical 20 again.

I just tweeted out the post I wrote in July. On that post I was exactly 20 days from my embryo transfer. Today I am also exactly 20 days from my transfer……It was odd to read how I felt because I feel totally different.

What I wrote at the end was “please remove the doubt that plagues me”. How interesting that I KNEW. I knew that something was off. I don't want to think back on it but I just wanted to say this:

It is different this time. I am going to be pregnant and it will be glorious. I feel like it isn't just me and my husband rooting for our success. I feel our community backing us up. I feel every person at Oregon Reproductive standing behind us with their arms crossed saying “THIS WILL HAPPEN”. I am starting to actually consider which bedroom to use for the children. Which to use as a bonus room…..considering fun carpet for the kids rooms….!!!

There is a point that you must go all in. My husband says that the way you are is a success is that you “Go All In”. He wears a necklace around his neck with our wedding date and the phrase “I'm all in” on it every day of his life. I gave it to him when we got married because when he told me he loved me he said he was “all in”. Funny how that applies now.

Guess what? I am ALL IN on this IVF. We are going to be successful. 20 days? No problem, we got this. We are all in baby…..ALL IN.

Blogger Challenge Day 9: Influence

9. List 3 people who have influenced you and explain why.

You know this is scary. Will I hurt someone by not selecting them? This literally gives me the shakes thinking about who is the most influential. I am so scared of hurting people, and there are some people who have influenced me through poor behavior. As in, I learned HOW to do something right by not emulating their behavior. I would call that influential. This is not a platform for negative though, so I will focus on the positive!!

1. Kim. I met her when I had a job as a hostess. She was one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. She gave me her friendship freely, 100% and made me feel so incredibly important. She was clearly interested in eveything I said. I loved that someone valued my time, my friendship, my company as much as she did. I learned from her how to treat a friend.I had absolutely NO CLUE what it meant to be a good friend until I met her and was treated the way she treated me. I emulate her style of friendship to this day. When I look at you, I want my eyes to say “I love you, I value you, your time is important to me”. Kims beauty was not only external but went straight to the center of her. She was truly blessed. She lives in Utah now and I think of her sometimes. I wonder if she will ever know the gift she gave me. When I have kids, I am going to teach them how to be a friend very early. How to be constant, loving and caring, and how to stay connected. How to remind people, in your busy life that they matter to you. They matter.

2. Mary. That is my Mother. My mom is the one who has helped me professionally and backed me when I had to make hard decisions. My mom is also the one that I “come clean' to and has the most insight to why I am the way I am. I am definitely closest to my Mom than anyone else in my family. We have dealt with a lot of things together, and are now enjoying what I call the good life. Life hasn't always been good and a lot of hard lessons have been learned, but Mom has always been there. If I have a big decision, you can bet that I am calling my mom at 7am to have a 45 minute conversation about it during my commute. We solve a lot of problems during my commute. I generally end up doing what my mom suggests. She is just so damned smart!!!

3. Oprah. I know, I know. Pretty obvious. But dammit! I NEEDED to know that a woman, who struggles with her relationships, weight, racism, and sexism can become an ICON, and teach us so much about ourselves and each other. She TOLD us to start reading REAL literature…and we did. She TOLD us to be forgiving, and to be grateful, and to GIVE back. What is success if you are unable to share it? It is nothing. Absolutely nothing. What we all want out of life is substance. To live our story to its maximum and to leave a legacy of love, friendship and generosity. Oprah taught us that it is possible,

Blogger Challenge Day 8: Passion

8. What are 5 passions you have?

I read the word Passions and of course I instantly got uncomfortable.  Are passions different than what I blogged about a few days ago?  “things that make me happy”?  I think passion is different….it has to be.  Being happy is a smile on your face, a warm feeling.  Passion is fierce.  Almost bordering on severe.

So….what would my 5 passions be?  Am I actually even passionate about anything?  It would be sad to go through a passionless life, and we all know those people – the ones who just seem void of anything deeper than general conversation.  Going through motions.  That is absolutely not me…I am passionate.  I have passionate responses and get myself into hot water often.  I apologize later.  I go with my gut.  What you see is what you get.  Passion?  Hell yes.  I have passion, I am a firecracker dipped in hot sauce dammit!

My Five Passions:

1.  My husband.  I am around the bend crazy for that guy.  I would lay down in front of a car for him.  If he asked me to pack up, that we were moving to Kentucky….I would do it.  My life doesn’t work without him.  He is my center and balance.  I also find him to be incredibly hot.


2.  Order.  I cannot function without order.  When  order is removed from my life a spiral begins.  Being organized and on top of things makes me feel effective.  I know this is a strange one, but it is truthful, and you can bet that I am always the most prepared person in a meeting.


3.  Food.  I am absolutely passionate about food.  To grow it, select it, prepare it, cook it, serve it.  I do love to eat but I am more connected with the process.  I am known for cooking all day long then eating popcorn for dinner.  I don’t understand this part….but I prefer to see people eat my food, as opposed to eating it myself.  So satisfying!


4.  Pictures.  I am obsessed with photos.  I am desperately scared that I will miss something or I will not be able to reference it.  I think it may be because there are not a lot of photos of us growing up.  I don’t want to miss anything and when I am old, sitting in my fluffy rocking chair, I want to pull my grandkids up onto my fat lap and go through everything and show them the story of where they come from.  I want them to have Identity, and my pictures will do that.  What if I cannot talk?  My photos will speak for me.


5. Knowledge.  I love hearing peoples stories.  It is very rare that I come into contact with someone I am not curious about.  The more I speak to people the more I find we have on common.  I love to feel connected to people and their story does this for me. I am not sure what it says about me…perhaps I am nosy?  I think I prefer to say I am just “Thirsty for Knowledge”


What are YOUR passions?


Seven Layer Magic Bars

I don't know where these started but I have had this recipe memorized for well over a decade. It is simple, sweet, and it just SCREAM autumn to me. It also has my weakness: coconut. I have not made them in a while and I figure if I am going to have every recipe I know on this blog – the MAGIC bars are a no-brianer. PLUS my husband loves them!

Seven Layer Magic Bars


1/2 cup butter

1 1/2 cup graham cracker crumbs

1 14 ounce can sweetened condensed milk

8 ounces chocolate chips

1 cup chopped nuts

8 ounces peanut butter chips

1 1/2 cup sweetened shredded coconut


Place the butter in a 13×9 pyrex casserole in a 350 degree oven. When the butter has melted, pull out and sprinkle the graham crackers over the butter. Then pour the milk over the graham crackers. Next sprinkle the nuts, both chips and top with the coconut. Press down so that it all seals together. Put in oven for 25 minutes. fully cool before cutting and enjoying!!



Spicy Pumpkin Hummus

I am sitting here, waiting one last hour before the slow cooked baby back ribs I have in the crock pot are ready. Thanks to Melissa Baran! My dinner is going to be amazing. The great part of clow cooking is that it frees up time for other things….like making snacks!

I was at New Seasons today and I stopped at the counter that had recipes because they were ALL pumpkin recipes. This recipe grabbed my eye, so I made it the same day! I hope you enjoy it! It is spicy, nutty, and creamy! Give it a shot! Tis the season!

Spicy Pumpkin Hummus from New Seasons


1 1/2 cups fresh or canned pumpkin puree

1 1/2 cups canned chickpeas drained and rinsed

3 Tbls tahini

1 clove garlic

1 tsp cayenne

1 tsp cumin

2 Tbls olive oil

2 Tbls lemon juice

Salt and Pepper


In a food processor or blender, process pumpkin and chickpeas until smooth. Add the rest of the ingredients and process until smooth. Season to taste. Make 3 cups.