Ever wonder “Who am I?” Me too.

In a life we go through so many evolutions of a person.  I have a few people in my life who have simply never changed.  Every time you see them, their life is exactly as it was when you last saw them 2, 5, 10 years ago.  I take comfort in those people.  I like things you can depend on never changing, people too.  I am not one of them.

If you asked me at 23 what I would be like at 43 I would have drawn a blank.  I never saw past that month, that year.  My dreams were short termed and specific.  Perhaps a job I was working towards.  Perhaps a trip I wanted to take with friends.  Perhaps a car or something along those lines, but never the big stuff.  Never marriage, never kids.  They simply did not make it to the radar.

As I move from being a mentee to a mentor, I see more and more people marrying in their mid 20s.  It never fails to surprise me.  This was never something that dawned on me, I was never in a place at that age that I felt evolved enough to handle my own life, much less incorporate my life with another person.  I also came from a background of divorce , moving and constantly starting  new schools.  I see now that this made me (and my brother for that matter) a late bloomer.  When you have a rocky start…you don’t jump into big things like marriage or children.  You just don’t understand how it is done!  This is simply my background and something 50% of you have also gone through.  I am a late bloomer to life.  I am just now finding out “Who I am”.

Some surprise items include:

1.  I don’t like to be the life of the party.  At all.  It was a defense mechanism brought about by always having to start over, to have to get people to “like” me.  Now I am surrounded by the right people, and they don’t care.

2.  I am a homebody.  I love house-making,  baking, and rainy days by the fire with my family.  Folding clothes, grocery shopping, meal planning.  All of it.

3.  I love being a wife.  I enjoy taking care of my husband.  I LOVE being married.

4.  I am an incredible businesswoman.  I have an amazing and intense career that is entirely self won, and deserved.

5.  Motherhood has brought me more joy that anything I have ever done.  If I was 10 years younger I would be pregnant right now.  Yes, I would have more.

6.  Having a place to call “home” is important.  I needed roots, desperately.  I measure things by time.  My marriage, how long we have owned our home, seeing each new year as a success.  I am desperate for my kids have a place that they are comfortable in when they go away to college.  That they are comforted by a fluffy sofa and hot cocoa on winter break, that their room is waiting for them with fresh sheets, that they have ONE thing in their life that  they can count on.  That will be home.  That will be us.  I will not take their comfort away.

As I evolve into this person, this mother, this career woman with a new directions, I realize so many things about myself.  A lot of things I believed I needed, I do not.  Many things I was taught are actually very wrong.  That life is about absorbing these truths and moving forward.  I am easing into the life of a mother and it fits.  This is the pair of jeans that eluded me for decades.  They fit, they are comfortable, and they were made for me.  I refer to it as “my brand”.

I knew my life and direction had changed when the successes of the team of people I am responsible for professionally are more exciting than my own.  I realized, “Oh, THAT is who I am.  I am the person who takes care of people.  I help people SUCCEED.”  I’d call that a pretty neat thing to realize.  But, with this realization I see that I am ready for a new chapter.  I am ready to learn something new.  To use my new found skills and talents in other ways.  What could that be?  Who knows, but I will be exploring it here.  Is there room for yet another career?  Because I like the one I have just fine….but there is something missing.  Hmmm…..

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