I think the things that people WANT to ask you when they realize you are in your 40s and have 2 year old twins are: Is it weird? Did you do IVF? How old will you be when they graduate?
What I want to say is: Yes, it is weird. Yes, I did IVF. I will be 58, approximately 10 years after YOUR husband leaves you for a 30 year old (enjoy your youth! It is fleeting!). #snarky
The weird part is that I do not have anything in common with my parent peers. I just overheard a woman who has kids similiar age to mine use the work “Like” over 20 times while telling a small story. “You know? Like, I totally said that! Then, like, I said so and so, then like they did this….” My husband overheard it as well. We are in agreeance that we VERY likely spoke the same way at that age. I can be many things, but I refuse to be a douchebag. It is just a point that we do not speak the same language and are at different places. No one is better or worse than anyone.
It is not their fault that we are older. We see life differently. We are engrossed in the small joyful moments, and not make up or cars or crazy trips with friends or even appearances. It is an age thing, 100%. No one is in the wrong, how we all are behaving is how we should behave. Acting our respective ages. Guess what? That sucks because it sets us apart. We do not want that.
This has pulled me away from a lot of people. I have a small, very selective group of friends who I truly tell my soulful thoughts to. Who I allow into what I am going through, what my family is going through. How we are actually doing. By the way, we are fine, but twins are not easy, they are very expensive, and 2 is a heck of an age. I couldn't be happier if I tried. Does that make sense? It doesn't need to, and that is something I know because I am 44.
So, yes, there is a difference having kids when you are older. You are more tired, but you have a lot more money. You have parent peers who are 15 years younger than you. You are not fun to them. That sucks, and is a blow to the ego, but on the other hand….what are we missing out on? All the stuff we already did? Travel? First marriages? (face it, facts are facts and the odds are not in many peoples favor…both Jason and I were married before as well) I am just saying that we are all snuggled into this age and life that we have built, and what our parent peers have to go through in the next 1.5 decades I am happy to not have to do again.
The good part is our careers are 20 years strong. We will be able to enjoy our kids as they get more involved in school, sports, etc. As you hit the pinnacle of your career, you have more power of writing your schedule. We have the best nanny, a great housecleaner and no debt. The only reason something doesn't get done is time. We do not have a lot of time and the time we have we prefer to spend hanging out as a family. The yard can wait. My kids have a childhood to enjoy.
However, it sucks have a slowing metabolism! It sucks being the oldest mom. It sucks being tired. It sucks not having anything to contribute to a conversation. I hate small talk. But I still want to belong, I think.
Not many know that I am a solid introvert. There are people who come across as strong personalities and leaders who actually prefer to be alone (learning this made me realize I am not crazy…..). I found over the last 5 years that I am introverted and have used an energetic persona to fight and hide it. I prefer to be home or with my family. I do not like crowds, or loud environments. On my 40th birthday it really hit home becasue just as my party started I was hoping it would end. I wanted for it to be over. I loved the people but I just wanted to have the house be quiet again. Birthdays are the worst – I try to not bring it up so that no one will make a fuss. However I LOVE other peoples birthdays!
So, yeah, there is a difference as an older parent, some of it is good…..but some of it sucks.