The velocity of life once you have children is astounding. My daughter just explained that Santa comes through the fireplace. She was drinking a bottle just a year ago and now she is telling me how things are. She also let me know that “pwesents go in a big socky” Which is clearly her stocking. My son can build buildings taller than himself as well as starts his own baths and takes a shower now. He takes a shower. Alone.
I have to stop and reflect on how once they get going, it is like a train on the track. The train is out of the station and they are off on their journey. Their life journey. I am here, I suppose, to keep them safe, feed them, and keep them from going down the wrong track. I don’t know. On my best days, I don’t know a damn thing.
I can openly tell you that I am a novice at parenting. I want to be a pro, read the books, focus on their early childhood education but they are already ahead of me. They are counting, saying parts of the alphabet, can find their way, on foot, to the park that is half a mile away. I just follow. I am officially just following and I can’t get ahead. I expected this once we hit math in abut 10th grade, but not now. I did not expect to be so lost at 2.5 years.
I guess they are launching, and this holiday season is the point, I believe, in my memories that will stick out as a turning point due to them being self sufficient in many ways. This is what I have been waiting for, what I dreamed of, but it hurts. It hurts so much to have them so independent.
Being a mother is bittersweet.