Wow, I haven’t written is a while, well, about 12.2 pounds as a matter of fact. Don’t judge me – every 0.2 pounds matters when you are working hard.
I have had a lot of inner dialog, and a lot of external dialog about what makes for a happy life. Family, Love, Health being the top 3. Stepping back and looking at all of that is very, how shall we put this….sobering.
I love my family, and I think I try hard to be present in their lives. It is not easy for anyone to be the mom they want to be, be the wife they want to be, or be the daughter/sister they want to be. I have a conversation in my head that goes something like this at the end of every day: “That was a good day, the kids seemed really happy, pretty decent food, they ate well, and they got fresh air. I could have read to them though, instead of the movie, and I definitely could have sat down and played barbies and dinosaurs with them as well. Wait – I haven’t talked to mom in a few days….omg, is my brother travelling? I need to check in on him, wait, was today my uncles surgery? Shoot, I don’t think I put milk out for the twins at breakfast, just juice, their bones will probably snap in half from neglect….Dang! I think we are out of gogurt, what is the temperature set at, the twins will be lucky if they don’t get pneumonia….”
OH. MY. GAWD. There is no way I am going to survive like this. Did I mention I have a full time career? I will not start on the level of dialog I have going on in my head on THAT topic.
See, to be a highly functioning woman/mother/wife/employee you have to be a superhero. You may NOT have vices and if you elect to do things for yourself (manicure/massage/dinner out) you will spend half the time feeling confident everything is falling apart and that you will have to do all the clean up anyways when you get home, so why did you even try to get time off? You just have to work harder. So why? WHY?
Anyways, I have been analyzing this for a while and have been uncovering some triggers. Things that get in the way of my success and I am eliminating them, because my brand of YOLO is the kind of “one life” that I want to be present in, and happy, and feel amazing.
Oh, and thus far in the process I lost over 12 pounds.
There is more to say, but I am not there yet. I guess even at 46 you can be a work in progress…..